Week 3! Day 15

NONE.

WHY?  You ask?

Bear Crawls.  Ummmm, I just realized that I have TWO FUCKING ASSES.  One on my ass and one on my back.  I have an ass back.  Arms?  Pretty good.  Legs?  Not bad.  Ass?  Yes...TWO.

Quack, mother effing, quack.  Duck Walk.  On the cross valley connector at 5:30am (ish)

A total of 3.5 miles.  Run, lunge, run, lunge, run, burpee, run, bear crawl, duck walk, run.  Did I mention that we had 10 lbs. in each hand while running. And my training partner and I were switching off that awful gas mask.  Nice and shwetty.

Breakfast-Quest Bar
Snack-protein shake
Lunch-chicken salad
Snack-protein shake
Dinner-Rustic Eatery.  I had steak, veggies, and brown rice tonight.  I splurged because I was running around today and I realized I ate shit food today.  Not a lot of "real" food in the mix.

Not super proud of this menu today.  I will be healthier tomorrow.

Started to feel bad about my meals today.  And then I stopped took my CTFD (calm the fuck down) breath and thought.  I'm doing a fucking PHENOMENAL job.  I feel good.  I feel strong.  So I chose happiness and then I chose jammies!

My worst enemy is my brain.  It's mean to me.  I need to slap that bitch down sometimes.

This is for Jan.  She's a Joss fan...like me!

 When I get a little too "thinky", I just open my eyes and look around.  There is humor EVERYWHERE.  Today I pulled out my water bottle and a tampon was hanging from the handle.  That is comedy gold, people. Some people would ignore that.  Not me.  I snap a photo and put it on FB.  Why?  Because I think it's funny and maybe it will make somebody else laugh.  Laughing...is my favorite.  And making people laugh, makes me laugh.  Then ta-daaaaaaaaa....I'm not so "thinky" anymore.

Smiling is my second favorite

OK, gotta go.  Too tired.  Did you workout today?  Did you eat well.  What can you do tomorrow to be better than today??

Just make sure you stay away from this place!  Unless you area into that kind of thing.  No judgements.  This is a safe place.

DOC

Nighty noodles...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

Days 13 and 14 Week 2 is in the books!

I totally forgot to blog yesterday.  I ate well, no cheats...and I WAS AT THE MOVIES for fuck's sake.  I love movie popcorn more than sex.  I'm not kidding.  NOM.
 

I would crawl all up in this shit nekkid and eat my way out.

We did our "Mystery Workout" at the gym.  It was an 8 mile adventure around Santa Clarita. We had 23 team members all shapes, sizes, and fitness levels.  The goal was not to "win" but to work as a team to finish together.  The point?  For us veterans, the point is to help those who aren't as far along in their fitness journey.  To encourage them, to lift them up, to get them to understand that we all started from the beginning.  For those struggling the lesson is...NEVER GIVE UP!  Our team finished in 3 hours.

In fitness and life you have choices.  Do something or not.  The only thing holding you back is yourself.  "I can't afford to eat healthy." BULLSHIT.  "I don't have time to workout." BULLSHIT.  If you can watch your favorite shows, go on Pinterest and Facebook, YOU HAVE TIME.  "I don't have will power."  Bullshit.  Surround yourself with a support group of people who will help you.  "My family doesn't support me."  BULLSHIT.  You don't NEED their support.  Support yourself.  "I have injuries."  BULLSHIT.  Work parts that are not injured, stay on the eating plan.  90% food, 10% gym.

This morning I had Group Training with Annie!  We did medicine ball sit up, smash the ball against the wall, catch it thingys.  Then some circuits.  I FUCKING SUCK AT THE ROPE THINGY.  You know the ropes in two hands bringing the opposite arms up and down.  I looked "special".  At times I'm really UNCOORDINATED!!!!  Then hill sprints.  HILL.  FUCKING. SPRINTS.  Then inside for assisted pull ups, squats for DAYS, and Russian sit up thingys (or something).  Then we finished with (drum roll please)..... HILL. FUCKING. SPRINTS.

Ropes are not meant for working out at the gym.

Then I stayed for HOT yoga!  Ouch.  But yay!  My favorite is listening to all the dudes GROAN and MOAN.  We had Moaning Myrtle in yoga today (Harry Potter reference).

Big balls on that guy, huh?

 
I am not doing food prep for the week.  I have a lot of chicken left over and some lunches from last week.  I will scavenge what I can.  We actually have plenty in the cupboard and truth is payday is tomorrow and I have NO $$$$$.  This is the last week before spring break.  Adapt and overcome!

Woot!!!!!

I'm not super ready for bathing suit season  BUT I'm a hell of a lot closer than last year!  40+lbs GONE!

Be safe, my friends!

And lastly, my daily odd compliment.

 

There IS no awkward between us!

 

March completed (almost) like a BOSS! x's = workouts

Have an amazing week, friends!  Make it count.
 

Day 12-I'm fucked

B-BCAA fruit punch drink, egg whites, chicken sausage, 1/2oz low fat cheddar
S-Quest Bar
L-chicken salad with balsamic
S-protein shake
D-??????  some type of chicken and veggies if I am still awake.

I feel like shit.  My whole body hurts from training.  My students were crazy today.  I'm already in bed and I'll get plenty of sleep for tomorrow's Weekend Warrior Event called "Mystery Workout"....yaaaaaay -_-
 

I'm fucked.

I flaked on a great group of ladies today.  Was supposed to meet up with some Warrior women for healthy food and a glass of wine....my guilty pleasure.  But I decided not to go. 

1.  I'm feeling shitty.  
2. My body is done.  
3. It was a shit day. 
4. I'm not ready to have wine yet.  
5. One glass of wine???  ONE?  No, it would have been 2...or 3.
6. I'm not good at going places and watching people have wine when I'm not having it.
7. I'm a big baby.

No, I'm taking an Epsom salt bath and going to bed.  I will DREAM of wine.

 

It's a miracle!

This man couldn't even get me out of bed....even if he had a whole case of wine.

Hoping you all have a great weekend.

I'll miss you Warrior ladies.  Sorry for flaking :(

Let's turn it up to e-le-ven!

5:00 Personal Training with Annie.  Alone. With Hitler.  FOR A FUCKING HOUR.  It was awesome-ly horrible.

My favorite line from Pitch Perfect other than.....sometimes I set fire to things to feel joy.  I love this movie.

We worked my ass, ass, ass, and my big fat ass.  I can hardly walk.  My spine is bruised but my back feels great.

Then sweet Annie posted my UG-LAY workout pics!  So effing funny.  SO effing gross.

Fuck you!

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Are we fucking done yet?  Stupid fucking fan bike. 

Awesome-ly fucking horrible!

 I was rushing to get ready for work so I had a shitty breakfast. :(
B-Quest Bar and BCAA drink
S-Apple and Almond Butter

Quite possibly my fav. snack EVER!!

L-Salad from Subway-turkey, lettuce, spinach, olives, onions, jalapenos, balsamic
S-low fat string cheese and 10 raw almonds
Dinner-big ass chicken salad with veggies and balsamic
S-greek yogurt and a squirt of honey

I had a few moments where my mouth got ahead of me today.

That awkward moment when......

a high school student who volunteers in your classrooms asks what you did for your anniversary.  You reply, "Went to the book of Mormon.  It was great!"  The horrified look on her face reminds you that she is, in fact, Mormon.

That awkward moment when....

a coworker shows you a picture of his wife and new baby and you SHOUT, "What the HELL, dude.  Did you rob the fucking cradle?"  When he says, "NO", you realize that you just told HIM he looks like shit.  Like an OLD ass piece of shit.

That awkward moment when...

you realize that once again you are cruising around school, for God knows how long, with your fly down and your bright teal undies are flashing the world.

......AGAIN

Daily odd compliment...

And guilty because I am eating clean.

 

  Goodnight, sweet bitchezzzzzzzz.  Catch YOU on the flip flop.




 

Day 10 Sick Kid

My "sick" kid, the boy child who ALWAYS gets sick, trots into our room at 2:30 this morning stating, "Mom and dad, I have a 103 degree fever."  Poor kid is SO USED to being sick that he takes his own temperature before waking us up.  

I don't mean to be a bitch......but OF COURSE the little shit can't run a fever at 5:00pm so I can arrange either a sub OR a relative to watch him.  NO.  He comes in at 2:30 and I am left awake trying to figure out what. the. hell. am. I. going. to. do. with. him. 

And an even more bitchy thought is DAMN IT, I can't go workout.

An even more bitchy thought, cuz I'm on a roll, is....Matt better figure this shit out because I HAVE TAKEN EVERY SINGLE SICK DAY WITH HIM THIS YEAR and it is NOT FAIR (insert Veruca Salt foot stomp and arm cross).  Ahem, he DID figure it out.  I was up all night worrying for nothing.  

If the kid was rarely sick, I doubt that these thoughts would cross my mind (bahahaha) but since he is sick ALL THE TIME, I don't have the same tolerance.  So basically, I'm a dick.

I know, I KNOW, I'm not a "normal" mom.  But really, your kid will get sick.  He/she will get better.  Why worry about it?  As a matter of fact, sometimes it's a relief when your child is sick.

1. No rushing homework in order to go to after school activities.
2. No crazy mornings trying to get the kid ready for school. 
3. Sometimes you get a nice little day off of work with a lethargic child who naps the day away.

Is that bad??  Ya' know what?  Don't answer that.

Breakfast- half a banana with 1 tbs of P fucking B!  (and the angels sang....aaaaaahhhhhh) Chocolate protein shake.
Snack-apple and 1 tbs of almond butter (I KNOW!!!  too much fat)
Lunch-pesto chicken, 2 oz sweet potato, brussel sprouts
Snack-Quest bar
Dinner

I had leftover "pizza sauce" (onion, leek, tomato, garlic sauce) and I had some rotisserie chicken left.  Boom!  And tiny crumbles of goat cheese.  I could have used more.

It was a little bland so I added DeeDee's famous salsa!  YUM!!!!

I'm now at home TRYING TO CHOKE DOWN MY WATER and hanging with my little dude.  We are watching a movie while cuddling up with blankies. That's it.  A day in the life of a working mom.  An imperfect, premenstrual, crazy working mom.

Make the dash count.

 

Day 9 Why am I doing this?

Behold the cluster fuck of an emotional roller coaster that we call......Tuesday.

Got up, went to the gym.  Elliptical and treadmill without music.  Boring as hell BUT I got some type of workout.  I was feeling dissatisfied but still glad that I went.

Not bad.  I could have pushed harder.

In addition, the NICEST person I know made me homemade salsa and BROUGHT IT...TO THE GYM....because she is kind, and giving, and truly an angel on earth. DeeDee, I love YOUR face.  Seriously people, this is my gym.  People look out for one another, people KNOW each other, people go out of their way to care for one another.  I have never been a part of something like this.

How kind is this??  She made TWO versions.  Matt hates cilantro.  So she made mine with cilantro and his without.

All mine....my precious!!!!!

LOOK.  AT.  THIS. BOWL. OF. DELISH.

egg whites, spinach, chicken sausage, salsa

I was fairly happy this morning.  Then nothing in particular happened and then BOOM!  I was in a shit mood.  I cannot even begin to explain why.  My students were good.  My coworkers were fine.  No clue...other than the fact that I'm a woman and sometimes my emotions make NO sense...ugh.  At all.

I started thinking.....

1. WHY did I start another challenge?
2. What am I doing?
3. My husband loves me the way I am.
4. I don't have to do a photo shoot at the end.
5. Fuck it.

I was very close to going to a restaurant, ordering a pizza and making sweet love to that pizza... all night long.  Not gonna lie....you KNOW I'd have wine with that shit.  Nom, nom, nom!

Then I decided to employ my new philosophy of "calm the fuck down".

1. Why did I start a new challenge?  Ummmm, I dunno bitch but you PAID for it AND you PAID for personal training.  You know you AREN'T going to throw your money away so...calm the fuck down.
2. What am I doing?  Training to be healthy, fit, and strong and trying to set an amazing example for your kids so...calm the fuck down.
3. Your husband does love you.  How lucky.  Still.....you need to calm the fuck down.
4. You don't have to do the photo shoot.  Truth.  Calm the fuck down. 
5. Fuck it.  Yes, fuck it.

So...yeah.  That was my day.

Breakfast (pictured above)
Snack-protein shake
Lunch- hamburger patty, brussel sprouts
Snack-apple
Dinner- chicken salad with balsamic dressing
Snack/dessert-nonfat, sugar free, caffeine free iced vanilla latte (AND I DO NOT REGRET IT EITHER)

Ummmmm, I have a sneaking suspicion that I MIGHT be juuuuuuuust a tad crazier than the norm.  With great craziness comes great responsibility.

I cannot tell you how much this quote touches me.  I used to think I was broken.  And then I picked up all my pieces and realized that I'm perfectly imperfect.  And I'm OK with that.

You rock that confidence, people.  You are a phenomenal person.  Why wouldn't you be confident?  Who gives a shit what people think.

Nighty noodles, doodles.  (That's a shout out to Rox)!!

Day 8 Be Happy!

Went to the chiropractor and he fixed me up as good as new.  Tomorrow I will be able to work out. I am absolutely pain free.  I'm a little stiff but I am pain free!!  My first weight training session with Annie is at 5:00am.  One on one training.  Pray for me.  Eeeeeeeeeeks!  Tomorrow we will be working booty!
 

Hells to the yes!!

SCRATCH THE PART ABOVE.  MY PERSONAL TRAINING WAS MOVED TO THURSDAY!


Food was on point today.  I ate nothing different.    I made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning.  It said I gained 3 lbs.  Don't know how this could have happened!  BUT instead of FREAKING OUT, I upped my water and cut out the Quest Bar.  I cut my meal portions just a tad.  My body tends to do this.  I go up and down.  I don't think it's "real" weight.  I think it's water.  I haven't been drinking enough.  Also, I am nearing "that time of the month".  So I'm not discouraged, I'm mildly ANNOYED and I will check my weight again on Thursday and not a day before.  I will drink an assload of water between now and then.  Worst case scenario?  I need to adjust my food intake.  Your weight is your relationship with gravity.  Nothing more.  It does not define you.  Don't let the scale win.

 Nothing good, bad, or funny happened to me today. It was a calm day.  It was actually quite pleasing.  BUT I have nothing entertaining for you today so I will leave you with a few images...

bahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!  This kid is a scary little fucker.  No, fool, this has nothing to do with eating clean or exercising.

Can I get an AMEN?  I also need fat free chips that don't cause "anal leakage"

I love her.  I'm one of her besties.....in my MIND.

Be happy.  Happiness is a conscious choice.  You can dwell on the negative or let the funny, happy, sweet, ridiculous moments take over.  At first being happy is work.  Then it becomes a habit.  Finally, it becomes contagious. 

Have a great week, you hot mess!

You crazy.  I like you.