Eff taxes....and all happy people.

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Game on....in a few days!

Heeeeeellooooooooo, fuckers!

Today I chose to shake off the shit.  I chose happiness.  I took it easy.  I didn't think about the challenge, my back, or about pleasing anyone but myself.  I put my high standards away, took a breath, and allowed pure laziness! I even downloaded a xxx novel on my Kindle.  Boo-yeah!  Spicy!!!

I listened to this song over and over again!  Cuz bitchezzzzzz, we are perfect. Just fucking listen to the song.   Click it.  Pump it up.  Own it. 
perfect 
 

You ARE fucking perfect.

 Big breath, cuz shit's about to get REAL....again.

My back is about 85%. Chiropractor tomorrow, then gym for elliptical. I'm going to PT on Saturday.  If that works, Monday it's on!  Can't do the Sunday challenge.  It's my son's and my bestie's bday.  Gotta celebrate that!!!

Food was better today. I ate enough.......kind of.  Better and better.

I need to feel better so I can workout....HARD.

  I don't think people get it.  I'm not obsessed (OK, I am) but this is a healthy obsession.  If you knew me at all, I used to hate myself, hate my body, hate my life.  My weight range in my adult life has been from 104 (anorexic) to 184 (obese).  For reals.  My relationship with food is finally healthy.  Working out helps keep me sane!  Without it I feel like a fish out of water.  Word.  And ya know what?  I LOVE my body.  It's perfectly imperfect.  Bumps and a butt.  Nothin' wrong with that.

Never say die.  EVER.

So hold on, cuz it's about to be on. DYING. TO. BE. GOOD. TO. GO.

 
 And then we will work on this....

All. the. time. seriously.

Day 24 I told you the road would be bumpy.

Word.

This occurred to me at LA Fitness when I was still fat.  On holidays I would be able to go to the 9:15 spin class.  I'd get there at 8:50 and ALL 100 (ish) bikes were taken.  The front 5 rows with exceptionally fit "regulars" who either A) were in college or B) skinny ass stay at home moms.  I'd be like, "Bitches, you don't NEED this shit.  Go ON THE FUCKING TREADMILL AND LEAVE SOME BIKES FOR US FATTIES WHO FUCKING WORK OUTSIDE OF THE HOME AND CAN'T MAKE THE CLASS NORMALLY."

Update on my back.  I'm still stiff and in some pain but just with certain movements.  I was at about 75-80% today.I was able to go to the gym today (NOT class) and was able to do the elliptical and the stair climber.  I was sore after but not in too much pain.  I went to the chiropractor for the second time today and that helped a lot.  Seriously, Pure Wellness on Cinema Dr.  Fucking amaze-balls! 

Best I could do today.

Classes are really focusing on "extreme" workouts...tire flipping and heavy weights paired with running and because the classes are not "set", I have no idea what to expect.  It's a waste of time for me to attend when I don't know whether or not I can or cannot do the workout.  Plus it's embarrassing for me to do "modified" work.  I feel like a fucking pussy.  Pride is a bitch.

So the plan for now is.....do the elliptical, stair climber, and treadmill for cardio.  Add in lighter weights on my own, as my back allows (maybe the weekend).  Do the yoga classes (Sat. and Sun.), and attend my group training sessions.  Annie says she can work around my injuries.  That's the plan.  There are trainers who would understand my limitations at later (afternoon/evening) classes but that is tough to work into my schedule.  I will have to see what I can do. 

It feels like I've had a bad week but it's only been 3 days!  Bahahhahaha!  For the record, I did NOT have wine.

My food has been shit.  I've been eating healthy food but NOT NEARLY ENOUGH.  I have well and truly lost my appetite.  The first few days due to pain.  I just couldn't (didn't want) to get out of bed to eat.  Today I forgot to eat.  FORGOT. TO. EAT?

Right??!!?!? When has this girl EVER uttered those words??  I really did.

I ate breakfast at 11:30

egg white scramble, spinach, crimini mushrooms, hot italian sausage

Then I took my kids to see The Muppet Movie (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and I haven't eaten since.  NOT FUCKING GOOD!

I'm off to make turkey taco meat. It's fast and easy. I'll throw it in a whole wheat tortilla to get more calories and carbs....even though it's evening.  Tomorrow I will set my alarm on my phone to eat.  My goal is not skinny.  My goal is strong and fit.  Not eating enough will NOT get me where I need to be.

I love this mug.  This is how I've been feeling the past few days.  Seriously.

Or the BEST.  It's all about perspective.

I'd fly....and beat the shit out of bad guys!

 Not gonna lie.  I'm feeling really down.  Trying to rally.  Trying to find my happy.  But the real and honest truth is I'm feeling.........fucking shitty.  Tomorrow will be better.  I need to refocus my energy and choose joy.

Peace out, bitchezzzzzzzzzzzzz!  Catch you tomorrow.

Three Strikes and I'm Out

Hello, beautiful people.  This will be my last blog for a little while.  I reinjured my back today and I'm just devastated because this time I'm in a lot of pain.  I'm not in the mood to blog or do anything else for that matter.  I'm icing it and resting, blah, blah, blah.  I'll try to start blogging again when I'm back in the saddle at Warrior.

It was starting out as a great workout.  I simply couldn't lift the 50 pounds of sand onto my neck, so I could squat.  As I tried to heft it up I guess I used my back instead of my legs.  Boom. Done.  I tried to do modified squats but was told to leave the class.  Super embarrassing.

Wishing you all a good week!  I hope you make good food choices and I wish you all the best.  Squishes!  xoxoxoxox

Cheat meal!

Holy fuckballs!!!

I'm writing to you from a new computer! I've needed one for AGES.  Matt got $350 off of this Dell through his school district! eeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!  Even though I've previously owned a Dell, this one is a little trippy.

How funny.....%#$^#% if you like getting effed in the A!  I had to switch to my old ass broken computer to download photos to this blog.  My "new" computer is still working on it. I'm about to fucking lose my shit. Technology needs to suck my monkey balls. $580 is a lot of money for us.  This shit better UNFUCK ITSELF or I'll use my ghetto shit until it dies and then bring you blogs via smoke signal.  :)

I had personal training today!  LOVED it.  You have no IDEA how much I DREAD it.  But when I'm done, I am so HAPPY!!  Annie is a tough trainer but I just admire her so much.  I respect her opinion, her training, and everything about her. She is SO FUCKING YOUNG!!!!!  But damn, she's like an old soul.  The difference between these photos is 5 pounds.  No lie.  The difference between muscle and fat.  Don't give up, people.  Even if you don't see a huge difference on the scale.  The difference is real. 

141lbs May, 2013

136lbs April, 2014

Before Warrior I was 184lbs.  I went on Lindora and lost 28.  I gained some back.  Joined Warrior at 164. Went down to 141.8.  Put some on between challenges.  Started the last one at 152.  Lost 22 and down to 131.5.  Joined this challenge at 139.  Today I was 136.2.  The difference between the first pic 141 and this one 136.  Really??  The message?  Muscle weighs more than fat.  AND....STOP GAINING WEIGHT, ANDI!  However, an occasional "cheat meal" is happening.....or I will choke a bitch!

Matt and I were supposed to have a date night.  Our kids are camping with Uncle Lance and Tia Blanca!  WE ARE ALONE.  LET ME REPEAT.  WE ARE ALONE!  Despite that, Matt is on his computer emailing his students' parents (as he is about to take 30 8th graders to the East Coast) and I am blogging. LOLOLOLOLOL!

Bahahahaha!!  FUCK NO!  That sounds like a SHIT DATE!  GROSS FISH!  WHAT????  I wanna hang out, drink wine in yoga pants and watch funny and/or action flix.  THAT IS A DATE NIGHT.  Also, feed me and tell me I'm pretty!

We got 90 min massages for $45 each.  Happy Foot China Foot Massage.  Normally the BEST frickin' money you could ever spend.  Today though, I think the man who was massaging me wanted to separate my scapula from my body.  He was DIGGING so deeply into my shoulder blades that I wanted to get up and pull a double leg take down and then get him in a rear naked choke.  For reals.

Don't fuck with me, fucker.

But my training as a Warrior allowed me to endure 90 minutes of pure pain.  I feel great now.  I waited WAY TOO long to get a massage.

Breakfast-greek yogurt, raw almonds, 1/2 cup of fresh berries, honey

Nom, fucker, nom!

Snack-Advocare bar (double chocolate)
Lunch/Dinner-Burger!!!!!  1/2 pork, 1/2 beef patty, bacon, pork belly, egg.  Lettuce wrapped. Sweet potato fries.  Wine.  BEST.CHEAT.MEAL.EV-AHHHHH!

What?!?  I had NO bun.  I also gave MOST of the sweet potato fries to Matty.

I look like shit.  Shut up and suck it!  Wine!

We were supposed to go out to an amazing dinner.  Meh.  Overrated.  We ate burgers and bought some movies at Best Buy.

So, good night my lovelies!  I hope you had a great day!  I sure did.  We are about to go all......brown chicken, brown cooooooooow.

And then you should c#nt punt her.  Cuz NO DUDE is ever gonna call you ugly.

LOVE YOU!!!!!

Spring Break!!!

Ermagherd, SPRING BREAK!  Bra is OFF, jammies are ON, hair is UP, and I'm ALONE in the house.  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MAGICAL UNIVERSE IS THIS? 

Every night.  Shit!  Matt wants to go out to eat.  Booooooooooo.  He took one look at me and said, "OK, we will stay in."  I look socially unacceptable!  I LOVE IT!

Can I come over?

 I am reveling in the freedom from underwire!  Good GOD ALMIGHTY that feels gooooooood!

OK  I was just sitting here thinking, while rubbing the deep underwire divots in my skin, that dudes can rip of their shirts in public whenever they want.  As a matter of fact, there are a few dudes who do it at our gym.  They just take that shit off in the middle of the workout.  I'm always surprised by that.  Like....WHY?  We are ALL hot and sweaty.  What's the deal? Is the shirt just so confining you can't bear it one more minute??

Well, I don't like pants.  Should I rip those off mid workout and flex my ass?  Makes no sense.  Unless you are Ryan Reynolds, David Beckham, Daniel Craig, or this dude...keep your shirt on bro.

This guy can take off his pants too.  THAT shit makes total sense.

B-Advocare Bar (it was OK), fruit
S-Quest Bar...vanilla almond....WHAT????
L-Two rotisserie chicken wraps in wheat tortillas.  I was STARVING.
S-Almonds and fruit
D?
S-?

I am going grocery shopping tomorrow.  I'm just too tired to do it tonight. I miss my yummy egg scramble!  I miss asparagus and brussel sprouts.

Random transititon.  I NEED this shirt.  SO funny!

Lololololol!  Give me TIME.  I need TIME.  I NEED TO LOSE MY SECOND ASS!

Just kidding.  I rock the sex-ay NOW.  See?

Haterzzzzz gonna hate.....

Lastly, because I think it's important.

Yes!

Sometimes I think people don't let go of destructive relationships because they feel they OWE it to someone to stay...or that they are showing strength because they stay.  Sometimes letting go IS the strength.  This quote speaks to love relationships, friendships, even FB friends.  Sometimes someone's shit is just too much to take.  It's OK to remove people from your life.  You are allowed to say enough is enough.  You are allowed to cut negativity out.  That is part of being a healthy, whole person.

Did you get the most out of your body today?  Did you thank your body for all it can do?  Did you stop negative self talk?  If you didn't, try it tomorrow.  I often joke about my ass but in all honesty.  I like my big ass.  Could it look better?  Fuck yes.  But it has looked a lot worse.  Thanks to my ass, I can walk and run well and it fills out a pair of jeans that's fo' sho'!

Fuck negative people.  You are always going to be too fat, too skinny, too muscular, not muscular enough.  Blah, blah, blah!

 Love yourself, you are worth it.

If you wouldn't go all balls to the wall trying to keep that balloon up, we might need to rethink our friendship.

 

Day ???? I already forget!

I really LOVED my "sleep in" today.  Didn't quite make it until 6:00am but I felt so rested.  I woke up in a much better mood.

I'm struggling to eat today.  NOTHING sounds good.  Ugh.  I need to eat a lot more calories but I'm just not feeling it.  I have things prepared in the fridge.  All I have to do is heat and eat. 

B-protein plate from Starbucks (egg, cheese, pb, grapes, weird biscuit thingy)

S-protein shake

L-chicken salad w/ hard boiled egg

S-Quest Bar

D-?

But if I want to reach my goals.  NOT eating is NOT the answer.  Are those boobs real???  Don't you just want to motorboat those things?

The most annoying thing about these fitness pics is the fake boobs.  I'd really love to see some "all natural" fitness models.  I'm not against fake boobs BUT I'd like to see some "natural" bitches represented as well. 

I'm going to go eat now.  And maybe later, I will shit glitter!

Who the HELL would pay $425 to make their shit pretty??

Some people think I'm crazy for working out like I do.  I get it.  Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy too.  I know for shit and for certain that I'm not normal.  Normal is overrated.  Plain people are annoying and so effing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Who me????

Dream Ass!

Dream Library!  All this pic needs is a squashy leather chair.

OK, bye.  Gotta go eat.  Harrumph.

Day 17 Superhero Workout

Superhero workout to celebrate one trainer's birthday!  I would have posted a picture BUT I look like a huge piece of shit, so....NO.  None of me.  But here is a group shot.  Over 170 Warriors showed up to celebrate Cameron's birthday at 4:45am.

Full House!

Breakfast-Quest Bar
Snack-Protein Shake
Lunch-chicken breast and brussel sprouts
Snack-I forgot to pack one
Dinner-pesto chicken wrap (whole wheat tortilla), sriracha (out of veggies, have to go to the store)
Snack-raw almonds

Ugh!  I had to stare at these all day.  We did a science experiment with cookies today.

I also did NOT eat this stromboli!  My kids and hubby ate this.  Dumb fuckers,

CHEEEEEEEEEESE!

I had such a rough mental day today.  I'm not showing much progress so far.  I'm feeling a bit discouraged.  It's been 17 days.  I'm not showing any changes in my measurements and/or much change on the scale.  I've been eating really well.  I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.  But what is the solution?  Give up?  FUCK NO.  I'm not sure if I should cut my "carbs", cut my calories, or just stay the course.  Ugh.  Decisions, decisions.  It's a tough balance between losing fat AND keeping/gaining muscle.  I tried to "snap out of it" today but I was pretty fucking Eeyore.

I feel like it's NO progress.

 I was scrolling Pinterest and I found this quote.  I realized that I'm focusing on the WRONG things right now.  I have always focused on the "outside".  I need to focus on my LIFE. No matter what I look like, my family loves me.  I need to eat healthy food so I can spend more time with them.  I need to workout because I LOVE IT and because without exercise I am a sad, lifeless person.  I truly believe that consistent, vigorous exercise can cure all manner of things.  Both physical and mental.   I need to focus on health and happiness and allow my body to do what it will.

My life is so good.  My family is healthy and whole.  My relationship is strong.  I love my job.  I need  BALANCE.

I'm not enjoying this process right now.  I am not having fun.  I'm deciding right now to have more fun.

I am a front row bitch. 

 So let's lighten the mood...and let's have fun.  Shall we?

Why does this make me laugh?

 

 Just for you...

Thanks for reading my babble.  Oh, and tomorrow is REST FUCKING DAY!!!

Today's alarm!

Tomorrow!!!!  I am so stoked!  SLEEEEEEEEP!

 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!