Friday!

It's fucking FRI-DAY!  I NEVER thought it would get here.  I still have my bra on (boooooooooooo!) because I have to drive my daughter to her organized nerd singing banquet.....i.e. Choir Banquet.  After 5:30 though, these babies are coming unstrapped and God help whoever gets in their way. 

I'm going to pick my daughter up from her banquet looking all.....

Gah!

 

Lil bastards!

16 more days of teaching this school year.  SIXTEEN.  What.  The.  Fuck.  This time of year teaching first grade is like trying to wrangle a bunch of hyper monkeys.  They are climbing the walls.....bless their hearts.  I come home every night fantasizing about margaritas, the beach, and food, glorious foooooooood.

 

Yeah, Matt.....what what?

I hate it when rich people be like......but you don't understand.  Mo money, mo problems.  Shut the fuck up, asshole!  Must be tough. -___-

Breakfast-nothing (i forgot)
Snack-carrots and broccoli
Lunch-chicken breast and  broccoli, 1 tiny little slice of bread (Wolf Creek)
Snack-Quest
Dinner-grilled chicken salad and a hard boiled egg

Not enough food today.  Oh well.  Not feeling 100%.  Missed my morning workout (my alarm was set but it either didn't go off OR I turned it off in my sleep.  I have no memory of this) and I'm exhausted.

I've got to help the teen with hair!  Later skaters!

mmmmmm....chocolate!

 

Last Warrior Event!

Oh my holy fuckballs of fuck.  I channeled my inner Gump and I went run-ning in the last EVER Personal Fitness Test.   I was trying like hell to break a 22 min. 5K.  Got stopped by a stoplight twice.....this was probably only a 40 second delay or so.  

 

My run time was written incorrectly.  I WANTED that 21.41 but it was really 24.41.

 

Sun's out, guns out!

 

This calorie burn includes a long walk up a hill after the run.  And I forgot to turn it off right away...so 2o min of afterburn as well.

I'm super proud of my time....I'm just a wee bit bummed.  I'm a competitive shit. Speaking of shit..........I ran so hard, with such little hydration today, that I am rocking the trots right now.  This is NOT OK.  Ugh.

Right?  Diarrhea..the GREAT EQUALIZER.  Everybody shits.

Pooooooooooooo.

I would give one person at work explosive diarrhea EVERY FUCKING DAY.  Is that bad?

 I'm not a natural runner.  So here is my genius tip for nonrunners to become better runners....
run really fast so you can finish faster and go eat.

Breakfast-Protien Plate Starbucks
Snack-chocolate protein shake
Lunch-grilled chicken salad with balsamic, one hard boiled egg
Dinner- chicken chili verde with black beans
Snack-Quest Bar- Cookies n Cream



Daily Odd Compliment

 Gotta go nighty noodles!  I have training in the AM! 

Just another Manic Monday

Would you ever go up to someone and say, "Wow, it looks like you've REALLY put on some weight."  "Are you binging on cookies?"  "You should NOT put on any more weight, it's not healthy."

Because the opposite is also rude.  This is what I got today from different people.  "You look really skinny.  Are you eating?"  "I don't think you should lose any more weight, it's not healthy."  You should say NOTHING to people if you don't like the way they look.  SAY NOTHING, stupid fuckerzzzzzz. Because let me tell you, these ladies were NOT handing out compliments.
 

Somebody at my work keeps writing lame quotes about "kindness" on the staff whiteboard.  I am tempted to go in tomorrow and write this.  Except I think everybody would know it was me...just a hunch.

Let's get REAL.  I am NOT too fucking skinny.  I weigh 135lbs.  That is a respectable/normal weight for a not quite 5'7" woman.  I wear a 6 or an 8 depending upon the pants.  I wear a size medium shirt.  My bra is a fucking C cup, if anybody gives a shit.  Oh....and I wear undies from Victoria's Secret in a size LARGE because I like my buns to be cozy n shit.  I am not underweight by any chart or standard.  So back the fuck off and go eat a doughnut.

 

Warm Bunzzzzz!

Breakfast-Quest Bar (I was late, I wanted to eat more but.....it didn't happen).
Snack- a full meal because I was fucking STARVING by recess.....steak, chicken, brown rice, grilled onions, green beans, and mushrooms
Lunch-protein shake
Snack-lunch meat, handful of cashews
Dinner-leftover bbq chopped chicken salad from Stonefire.
Snack-turkey patty, light cheddar

I mean, let's keep it real....

I'm a priceless bitch... a high class ho!

 I also think that people should remember I'm also a....

I want this candle!!!  Wonder what it smells like?  Awesome plus glitter?

OK, now for meaningless funnies.

-_-

I am very attracted to myself when I drink wine.  I grab my own ass.

I really do think I'm going to be a kick ass grannie.

And finally, my daily odd compliment.

Awwwww, yeah.....Hufflepuff knows what's up.

 

Hope you have a great evening!

4 Weeks Left! Eff yes!

I'm so fucking happy to report that there are 4 weeks left of this challenge.  Giddy in fact.  I cannot WAIT.  I don't particularly want to take after photos and/or dunk.  Because you see...I feel fucking great about myself right now.  I realize that I do not look physically perfect (loose skin) but without EXTREME diet changes, which I am unwilling to do, this is as good as it gets. 
 

with some fava beans and a nice chi-AN-ti

 I'm tired of obsessing and nitpicking.  I'm done.  I will continue to exercise and eat well but I am done with numbers on the scale, numbers on a tape measure and numbers in a dunk tank.  MY VALUE DOES NOT LIE IN NUMBERS. (I will dunk so as to not let down my teammate in this challenge.  I don't want her to be disqualified).

Day 1

Day 60!  Lmfao NO difference!!

I made the GRAVE mistake of trying to go on a severe, no salt, limited food diet.  BIG FUCKING PROBLEM.  I freaked out and went off the reservation. I should know myself by now.  Whenever I limit food severely, it triggers my eating disorder mentality and I fucking lose my mind.  So I stopped immediately.  I ate what I wanted, I drank what I wanted, I did not count calories, I took 4 days off,  I lost a pound, AND I bought a size 6 skinny jean in WHITE.

I ate food not on a prescribed list....and I regret not one bite.

DIETS DON'T WORK for me.  Life is too short to be miserable.  Why complicate things?  Why fuck with happiness?  I was happy, then I joined this challenge.  Then I started to become unhappy.  NOT the fucking POINT.

Fuckin' A.

 I'm going to end this challenge by doing me.  I LOVE working out.  I like eating healthy food.  I will do that.  I will eat fruit when I want, no matter the time of day, I will make my crockpot chicken chili...with beans, I will enjoy this process by doing it MY way.  

I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to do.

Let's have fun...starting now!   

I fucking DARE you!

 

Yeah, I gotta take care of that!

Today I will be thinking of my friend Dena, who is in the hospital.  She is the epitome of living out loud.  If you think I'm bold and say the craziest shit, you have never met Dena!  She always says, "When I'm old I'm going to say everything I think."  We all respond, "We are fucking scared of what you are holding back???"

Boom.

Today I will go support my friend at her medical bill fundraiser.  Christy also lives out loud.  She is battling cancer with an amazing attitude!  She is an inspiration and the true definition of a Warrior. She actually inspired me to get fit.  I would read her positive posts and think....this woman is battling for her life.  She has an amazing attitude and YOU are depressed because you are fat?  Stop the fucking insanity.  So we are going to celebrate and raise some cash!

Let's raise some money!!!

Daily odd compliment

 

56....you can go hard or you can go home.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

When my children are acting like total selfish d-bags, I always say, "Hey, you ruined my vagina.  The LEAST you can do is put away your clothes without whining."  This always gets the desired response.  The kids get uncomfortable and they complete the task I've requested.

THAT'S a fucking apology!

I hope you all have been able to enjoy your day and do whatever YOU wanted.  This being the end of the school year and me being in the midst of my last challenge, I am physically and mentally depleted.  I decided to stay home and do NOTHING.  I literally just bathed.  It's 5:30pm.  I have 5 more weeks until the end of school and until the end of the challenge...so I just need to "hold on".  Hold.  Fucking. On.
 

I know that there is pain, but ya, hold on for one more day, and we break free, break from the pain... (come on, you sang it....and now you want to watch Bridesmaids)

I've been meditating on this challenge.  I've decided to go hard the last 5 weeks.  With workouts I ALWAYS go hard but I'm talking about with food.  I am going to cut out all supplements (except for BCAA's) and I'm going to eat "real food" on a strict schedule.  I am NOT looking forward to this. 
 

OH yes.  Because it's so fucking simple. -_-

That being said, I'm going to be extra careful with my back.  Yesterday I did a two hour beat down and today my back is extremely sore...on the border of injured again.  I will, however, add in daily ab, extra slow but consistent cardio, and I will focus on the ass.  I am HOPING my family will still love me after this because I have a feeling I'm going into bitch mode.  Fucking bitch mode.  I set my alarm to 3:30 so I can get to the gym to do pre-class cardio.

Word.

 

I love this little, ugly dog.

 I was looking for ugly dog memes and I came across this!  Bahahahaaaaaa!
K beautiful people, I'm out!

A shit storm is a comin......hold on for the ride.

Days 54 and 55

Yesterday was an unplanned cheat day.  Eeeeeeks!  We were suddenly without children and we decided to do a date night.

I may or may not have indulged in some wine with my friend Rox when we dropped our kid off at a slumber party at her house.

Matt and I may or may not have gone to La Cocina after and had a cadillac margarita WITH SALT and a huge fucking burrito!  Eeeeeks.  I attacked that thing.....like a fucking lady!
 

I really ate the shit out of that burrito.

That was the worst cheat I have EVER had on a challenge.  I feel a tad guilty BUT......since the beginning of this challenge I promised myself I would work on this challenge as a lifestyle change.  Let's be real...I'm NOT going to go the rest of my life without wine or without La Cocina.  My difficulty in life has always been finding balance.  I'm such an "all or nothing" mess.  So, I had my cheat.  Suck it up and move on. 

Today, I went to Group Training which turned into a spin class in the hot room with Tchicaya.  Then I stayed for the HICT (high intensity circuit training) with Annie. I forgot to wear my Polar but I'm sure I burned approximately 1,200 calories or more.  Probably not enough to burn off the calories from last night BUT it made a dent.
 

I want to slap this bitch but it's true.  I'm wearing my burrito in my gut right now.  Is it bad that I'm praying desperately for a case of massive case of diarrhea??

Food today:  hard boiled egg, quest bar
Lunch: chicken salad with balsamic
Dinner:  I am saving some calories for dinner.  We are celebrating Mother's Day at Buca di Beppo.  I'm planning on having salad and some type of chicken.  We shall see.  No pizza, no bread, no fried calamari, no wine. 

Off with Sky to get our nails dizzzzzone.  Fuck yeah!!!! 

Stay awesome, friends!  Enjoy your Mother's Day!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox

Day 53 Dat Ass....Ugh.

This will be shorter than yesterday!  I need to go volunteer at my daughter's choir performance.  I am "snack table" lady.  I will be selling candy, chips, and water.  Seriously.  I'm not even kidding.  CHIPS, mother fucker, CHIPS.  Ugh.  And I have to be near strangers.....and make small talk.  And I think a lot of these choir parents are super religious.  FUCK!  I have to watch my language and pretend I'm an upstanding member of society.

See?  Chips LOVE me!!

If you ever walk around all day, and you feel pretty good about yourself...I have a quick solution to that nonsense.  GO bathing suit shopping.  Seriously that will set you straight from being all "proud of your body".

Today I went into Target all......yeah, bitches, I'm gonna get me a bathing suit!  Then I tried a few on.   Front view-not bad (abs still a disappointment but I can work with it).  Side view-not bad.  Upper back-I like it.  Ass and Muffin Tops-OH HOLY HELL.  WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN DOING?  IT'S A FUCKING MESS.  Not even a hot mess....just a sloppy mess.

First challenge-I'm going to reach my goal (didn't happen)
Second challenge-I'm FINALLY going to reach my goal (not quite)
Third challenge-I'm going to meet my goal..........outlook not positive.

Apparently this is not happening in my lifetime.  Fucking booooooooooooooooooooo!

So I bought two suits anyway and on the way home I contemplated going home and burying my face in some fucking Nutella.  After 14 long, mother fucking months, my ass is still a nightmare.  Flabby, bumpy and LARGE.  What is the point of all this denial and "self control" when my rear is still gross??????  I might have PTSD from looking at that shit.  Fo' reals.

My face when I looked at my big ass.  So I live to SQUAT another day.  Fuck stupid squats.  I'm just going to tan that shit and pretend!

OK, meals for today.
Breakfast-Protein Bistro Box from Starbucks (minus that nasty bread hockey puck thingy) 320
Snack-Quest Bar-Vanilla Almond 180
Lunch-Wolf Creek  plain chicken breast, side of broccoli 240
Snack- apple, protein shake 230
Dinner- turkey taco meat, whole wheat, low carb tortilla (AKA nasty piece of shit) 305
Total: 1,317

I might have another snack later.  I dunno.  I didn't go to the gym today.  Rest day.

Tomorrow I will be back at it.  Pffffffffffft. 

My word to describe you is fan-fucking-tastic!  Boom!