Week One (since my dunk)

Yesterday completed week 1 since the traumatic "before picture scenario" and the near drowning experience of the hydrostatic body dunk.

When I get discouraged, I look at before/afters! Shit MOTIVATES me!

Before/After Fitness Transformations

Here is my before/after for a period of almost 2 years.  Please know that I am really putting myself out on a limb here!  So embarrassing!!!

February, 2013 168lbs (14 pounds lighter than my heaviest)

December, 2014 130lbs.

I don't have my "before" for this challenge but when I get it, I will share. 

 

Since 7 days ago, I've noticed the following...
1. I've lost 5.3 pounds.
2. Despite drinking 80-100oz of water, eating 3-6 cups of vegetables a day, and taking metamucil nightly, I'm having stingy poops.  I might have to call in the big dogs with "Smooth Move" tea.
3. I am really craving Coke Zero.
4. I am struggling with pounding egg whites.
5. I'm noticing my baby abs coming out to play!
 

If only shitting were that easy!

Keep in mind with the Coke Zero thing.  I HAVE NEVER REGULARLY been a soda drinker.  When I do order a soda, I don't finish it.  So WHY, am I craving this MORE than a glass of wine because I assure you...I have NEVER left a fucking glass (bottle??) of wine unfinished.  Perplexing and annoying!

Mine!

Truth!

Exercise
This week came with new experiences in the gym!  I am doing Crossfit on Monday and Wednesdays, I am doing a booty muscle building class on Saturdays, and I'm doing HICT (high intensity circuit training/boxing etc) on the rest of the days. I've been in the weight room twice...by MYSELF and am generally trying to mix things up.

I can now officially say....

Hahaha!  This is EXACTLY how I look when lifting.  Bikini top, full make up and hair...

 

Today I am doing a "rest day" so I am doing a cycle class at LA Fitness at 8am. I need to fit in my cardio before coaching the bad news bears.....I mean the Vipers.  Go, Vipers!

I have misplaced my heart rate monitor so I don't have a weekly calorie burn total.

I'm just trying to make EPIC changes in 90 days.  I'm excited to see the results.  All.  Fucking.  IN!

My song would be "Brick House" or "Hedwig's Theme"

 

Diet
I am carb cycling.  Eating more fresh food/vegetables than I have EVER...in my life and I am struggling with downing egg whites.  I did a "clean cheat" twice with my Quest bars when I needed something sweet.

Here is a book on carb cycling that my friends Diane and Andrea recommended.  I just ordered it from Amazon.  As soon as it gets here, I will read it.

Excited to see how it compares to my plan!

 
FUCKING SLEEP
Although I am sleeping 6-8 hours a night (sometimes in a row), I cannot sleep in on the weekends.  The 4am weekday alarm is officially embedded in my brain.  So I am fucking AWAKE between 4:30-5:30.  Fuck.  My.  Life. I try to go back to sleep but I can't.  

Thanks, Leo!  This one makes me giggle!

Money
We have challenged ourselves to save $500-$1,000 a month by not eating out.  We have cooked (I have meal prepped) and we are on schedule.  I'll let you know by 1/31 the total amount of $$ saved!  My kids are so bummed!  At home food!

This is me. And it is a problem.

Some funnies!

You're Welcome!!!

I need this!!!

hahahahahah!

I wish I was single!!!  lolol!

Bye beautiful people!  Have a kick ass week!!!

 

Carbs

People ask, "How is your diet going?"  I don't annoyingly correct them...it's a LIFESTYLE change.  I find people who do that hmmmmmmm, well dead ANNOYING.  I just do this.

It's all good!

 Truth is, I AM doing a diet.  I am doing an extreme fitness transformation with very specific goals, meals, and my food is LIMITED.  It's not limited in calories, in fact, I am eating 6x a day.  (I am actually eating so much I fucking feel so damn full.  YOU eat protein, a cup of broccoli, and brown rice.....then try to eat again 3 hours later.  FUCK!)  But limited in types of food and how they are prepared.  I am eating very little salt (makes for some gaggy meals), I'm trying not to eat at restaurants, and I'm eating real, fresh, organic food.  It's a whole lot more unseasoned broccoli than one EVER needs to eat....and DO NOT get me started on egg whites.  MOTHER. FUCKING. EGG. WHITES.

Fucking egg whites.....no salt.......nuthin.

I absolutely eat carbs.  They are NOT the enemy. I eat HEALTHY carbs (brown rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes, green veggies).  I do carb "cycling". Look that shit up!

Me tonight!!!!!  CARBZZZZZZ!  Sweet potato madness!!!!

 

 

Word.

Bitches be eating the WRONG kind of carbs!

 I plan on doing a ton of research during this challenge so I can keep some of these meals but also begin to cook healthy but tasty food for the long run.  Food my kids will eat.  Food that will help me sustain a "lifestyle" change.  



I really, really love working out. I am so lucky that it's not a "chore" for me.  I've added Crossfit and the weight room!  And I like it more and more as I get more comfortable with each.  Next week I'd like to up my weights a bit.  This week I kept the weights low so I could practice form and to make sure I'm not going to injure my back....a-fuckin-gain.

Just kidding.  I LOVE cardio too!

The hardest part for me is the food.  So I just wake up every morning and commit myself to being healthy for the day.  You NEVER know how dependent you are on food as a "mood soother" until some really stressful shit happens.  A death in the family, a stressful work situation, an argument with someone.  My literal first thoughts are....I need wine....and some kind of pasta.

Every fucking day.  Focus and refocus!

This is a perfect body to me!  Curvy and tight.  Holy shit!  I would so make out with this chick!

K guys, I gotta go pack my meals for work tomorrow.  AND I need to help my kid with homework!  Always in parting, I say peace!



Oh and remember...don't.  go.  to.  Walmart!

This HAS to be photo shopped.  Right?  Fucking right??

Back titties.  Enough said.

 

Last day of vacay, first day of weight room!

Dunk results.......FUUUUUCK!  25% body fat (pfffffffft) That is HORRIBLE!  Last December I dunked at 15%.  THAT IS A LOT OF FAT. Boooooooooooooo!  I gained quite a bit of weight too.  The ONLY good news is that I gained 7 pounds of muscle since last dunk.  That's.......something.

Ugh!

 8:00am Cycle Up!  I really wanted to work legs/glutes today so I thought starting the morning with spin class would be AWESOME.  Did class with my homegirl Andrea.
 

This is us.  When I was skinny.  She's still skinny.  Because she eats very healthy........all the time.

I then took a little drive and ended up in the Warrior weight room for a little over an hour.  This challenge my goal is to get in that weight room and make it my bitch so I can get this T-shirt.  Today was leg/glute day fuckerzzzz!  (I had to ask people for help in the weight room-lame).

Ermagherd. Lurve!

 

This will be me tomorrow!

I have NO idea how many calories I burned because I forgot my Polar but my legzzzzz are killing me!  Ugh.


I bought 10 "prepped" meals (healthy, fresh, no salt, no preservatives) from Meal Prep Solutions...a company right next door to my gym.  I then prepped the rest of my meals/snacks.  As I was waiting to pay, about 50 Warriors came through the door and the ones I knew started saying, "Nice thong." etc.

Check.  This.  Out.  Be warned, this might burn your eyes and this might scar you FOREVER.  You might even suffer from PTSD...

Nice thong sweat. 

At least I can see what I DON'T want my fat ass to look like. Below is my dream ass. #goals  #squats #cleaneating

Dat ass tho......

Here are a few of my meals...

I baked spinach with egg whites and cut them into squares for snacks.  No salt.

One meal prep chicken dish with green beans and yams.

Chicken, broccoli, and brown rice.

I used this to season ground turkey meat.  I prepared this with asparagus seasoned with light EVOO and Tader Joe's everyday seasoning (no salt).

That's it!  Tomorrow I take my first "official" crossfit class at 4:30am.  Wish me luck!

A few funnies...

I skate this line.

How?  Seriously....HOW?

eh-rhey damn day!

Bye suckas!

Dunk Day, Bitchezzzz!

Guess what day it is?  Dunk Day, woot woot!  (Said in the voice of the camels).

Time to get mostly nekkid in front of people you know and get in a fucking uncomfortable dunk tank.  FUCK ME!

Yessssssss!!!!

And how does one get ready for dunk day!?!  Much like you would a first date if you think you are going "to give it up".

1.  Shave, everywhere.  And clean your whole fucking body.  Have some consideration for EVERYONE who has to dunk after you.  Vagina, Balls, and butts must be scrubbed up and cleaned.

2.  Go easy on the make up.  Especially the mascara.  I will wear a little.  I can't scare the fuck out of the children.  Yes, we are taking photos but these are "befores".  They should look ratchet.

3.  Sack it up and grow a vagina.  Yes, people can see every nook and crannie.  Get the fuck over it.  Good news, you won't look like this in 90 days.  Treat it like a game. (Don't let my bravado fool you.  I'm scared as fuck and I'm shaking like a leaf).

 OK, gotta go! I'll share my dunk day results later!  I've got laundry, lesson, planning, grocery shopping (I've been putting it off), and food prep today.

One final thought!

I think a lot of sizes can be sexy.  BUT a lot of people use "curvy" when they are just plain fat.  Fat is not the same as "curvy".  Fo' reals.

 

Catch you on the flip.

Dunk Day Eve!

Lost 2 pounds this week.  Burned 6,281 calories.  I wasn't low sodium or "super clean" this week because my dunk (the body fat % test) is tomorrow.  SO are my before/afters.  Imma be busting out of that bikini.....and NOT in a good way.
 

I'm the one in green. -_-

Last night I was with my bestie.  That means we had wine, LOTS OF WINE, stayed up until 3:00am, and woke up today feeling............NOT FUCKING GOOD.  I. Still. Don't. Feel. Right.  The upside?  I'm so fucking ready for this challenge.  Everything is out of my system.  I had wine, I had a cheat meal.  I'm ready to kick ass tomorrow.

Quotes of the day by my bestie : 
"We are fucking bad influences on one another."
"See you in 90 days."
"Ugh.  I can't believe you are doing another 90 day challenge without alcohol.  I'm not going to last 90 seconds."

 

Cheat Meal.  White rice!  WTF?!?!?

Yuck!

Who has thumbs and got up and went to spin class anyway??????  This bitch!!!Cycle Up is a fucking RAD spin center!  They put your "bike" up on a screen and it tells you how hard you are working.  It's color coded for dumb asses (like me!)  Blue-recovery, green, yellow, orange, and RED-you are fucking KILLING IT, bitch!  At the end, you get to see your place compared to everyone in the room. I was 5th out of 10.  Not bad for having the "flu".  I LOVED IT!  Only 45 minutes and this is what I burned (with after burn).

Boom!

Wine flu eyes.  Diane looks so CUTE!!!

So, wish me luck!  And I'll keep you posted on meals, workouts, triumphs and the shit days.  The good, the bad, and the UGLAAAAAY!

Great advice!

0_0

Imma make this challenge my bitch!

hahahaha!

If you want to sign up for this challenge, just let me know!  There is still time.  Official start date is the 14th.....I think.  I'm just starting now!