New Year

It's been almost a YEAR since I blogged last.  I cannot express what a YEAR it's been. A death in the family, a thyroid cancer scare (I'm TOTALLY fine), a double mastectomy for mom,  another family member with ovarian cancer, teaching a split grade, a sick, sick dog, and buying and selling a house.  I'm sure there was a lot of GOOD this year too...but it was just a "FUCK ME, FUCK YOU, FUCK IT" kind of year.  
 

2015 can suck it!

I feel like I have been in "reaction" mode all year rather than in a positive proactive state of mind.  I got a lil lost.

Fast forward to today.  Black Friday.  It's the day after Thanksgiving and I woke in a food and wine induced shame spiral that ended with me stepping on the scale.  Firstly, "the number" was BAD, secondly, my pedicure is to'e up.

I need a pedi!!!!!

This led me to two very important decisions.
1.  I am taking 2 classes at the gym today.  Bootcamp AND spin.
2.  I need to book a pedi....STAT. (Gotta shave though AND wait until payday.  So, STAT in 3 days).

A third very important decision was made today as I was driving home from the gym..."properly punished" for enjoying food and wine.
                                       I am done with my scale.
 

Word!

I am throwing the mother fucker the fuck OUT (OK, I'm really hiding her.) I have decided that letting my daily happiness depend upon a number is complete and utter bullshit.  I am the same person regardless of my weight.  I deserve the same happiness, I deserve to enjoy my life, I deserve a cupcake once in a while without wanting to jump of a bridge. Actually I fucking DESPISE cupcakes but you get the idea.
 

Who me?

Keep in mind, I have weighed myself virtually EVERY day since I was 19.  So, I'm freaking the fuck OUT.  How does one start the day without the scale?  How will I know what to feel?  How will I know what to wear??

Ummmmmmm, yaaaaaaas!

 So 2016 starts now...outside my comfort zone and on an anti diet.  NO, this is not an excuse to eat ALL THE FOOD.  I believe I can reclaim my happy.  I can choose to eat healthy food most of the time, I can choose to eat when I am hungry and NOT on a schedule.  I am going to unlearn every "rule" about dieting I've heard in the last 3 years.  Fuck paleo, fuck low carb, fuck IIFYM, fuck it all.  I'm going to eat real food and stop worrying so much.  THERE IS NOTHING ON MY "NO" LIST.

I actually like eating healthy food!

 I can choose to wake up, meditate on the joy and gratitude for the many amazing people in my life.  I can choose to be a fearless bad ass who doesn't GIVE A FUCK about others' opinions of my body.

NO MORE, mutha fuckaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzz

I don't wanna eat your face off though...cuz that's fucking gross.  Bleck.

So the goal for 2016 is not abs for days, it's not a number on a scale, it's not to fit into a certain size.  The goal for 2016 is to be healthy and happy as FUCK.
 

Dear scale, you are a controlling bitch.  I'm breaking up with you.

And finally...

 I promise I would!  xoxoxoxoxo  Thanks for reading, bitchezzzzz!